Surviving the Affair and Saving Your Marriage

The Good

When you fell in love with your spouse it was a feeling difficult to describe. Your married life was launched with a feeling of euphoria, looking ahead towards mutually working to achieve your dreams and ambitions with each others support while working towards mutual goals. There was a feeling that your spouse can do no wrong.

The Bad

A marriage is a very special relationship, and like all relationships it has its good and bad times. It is only natural for people to change with time and as a result there is a need to adjust to these changes and fine tune the relationship to maintain it on a healthy level. Frank and open communications as well as understanding become critical elements for the relationship to flourish. Lacking this, the relationship grows strained and arguments and disagreements over simple things start increasing in frequency. The pressure and stress from financial burdens and those of raising a family further complicate things and tension between the spouses increases. Both spouses are very aware of what their partner is doing that is harming the relationship, but fail to look at how much they themselves may be contributing to the situation. Of huge importance is the failure to sit down and talk things out. This gap in communications results in both spouses gradually drifting apart resulting in emotional, psychological and physical needs that are not being fulfilled.

The Ugly

Sad, but true, is also the fact that over time many marriages become just plain boring. Couples start to neglect each other and due to the breakdown in communications, emotional and physical needs that are not met continue to grow. Add to this scenario the hard feelings resulting from arguments or disagreements and the combination of all these variables leaves a spouse susceptible to infidelity. The end result is that a spouse may seek to satisfy unmet emotional or physical needs by having an affair. The majority of the time, the cause of infidelity is not necessarily that the partner who is cheating does not have strong emotional feelings for the spouse. The cause often is the result of emotional or physical needs that are not being met.

The Damage

When choosing to step over the line into infidelity, the spouse having the affair rarely considers the devastating impact that an affair will have on the injured spouse. Additionally, the ramifications of infidelity on the marriage are rarely considered. The victim spouse suffers mental and emotional pain and the resulting cocktail of hurt, depression, bitter anger and sadness takes a heavy toll. Images of the spouse being with someone else are brutally painful. They are devastated and shocked that the person they trusted so much has been deceitful. Basically the two most important things in marriage, trust and confidence, have been violated. Under the emotional stress it is hard to answer the question as to why the spouse had the affair. In the heat of the moment it is nearly impossible to evaluate the next course of action in a logical and rational way.

Damage Repair

The questions of whether the marriage is over or if it can survive through the affair is best handled after a short cooling off period. It is crucial to understand that infidelity is triggered by issues in the relationship. An affair must be viewed as a result, and as such it is vital for both partners to sit down and mutually explore and understand the causes that led to that result. Open and sincere communication, as well as understanding, will allow both partners to identify the issues and mutually start building a strong foundation for the future.

Infidelity does not mean that a marriage has to be over. Quite the opposite, an affair can be a hidden opportunity to repair and renew your marriage while laying a strong foundation for the future. Steps to rebuilding trust, honesty and forgiveness after an affair are discussed at http://leavemenot.com

Next, take advantage of a free report and get immediate help on how to save your marriage and restore trust and confidence and learn what exactly you need to do and say right after the affair.